Laugh Attacks

Laugh attacks are when you spontaneously laugh at something that may or may not be funny and can't seem to get yourself under which only further fuels the laughter fire. It is extermely contagious and infects all those around you. There is no exscaping it.



I have had this happen to me on a number of occasions. What causes it or why it happens at all is a mystery. I have a theory that says that we bottle up laughter, much like how people bottle up frustration and anger that eventually explodes in one large outbursts. While the anger and frustration tend to have negative consequences, laughter only has positive. I had one such attack right before bed. Jake and I were just laying there having our nightly conversation, which is usually about nothing in particular and he said something and I made a funny remark that just set me off, which consequently set him off. Soon we were just a giggling, snorting, crying mass of happy. After about 10 to 15 minutes of this insane overpowering of giggles and a few tissues later, I was so relaxed that it was easy to go to drift off to sleep. They make me smile and want to have them more often. You never know when, where, or why an attack will happen. One must be prepared with tissues and something to hold on to when they do decide to descend on an unsuspecting victim.

Family pictures

I love this picture of my whole family being...well..my family. Boy I love these people =D

These are a few of the wonderful pictures we had taken at the beginning of the month. Don't we all look happy? I think so.

TGFB- Thank Goodness For Breaks

If I can think of one thing that I am grateful for at this exact moment is that the break is starting tomorrow. My place of work is one of the most frustrating places one could possibly work, at least for an organizer, planner, and schedule driven person like myself. I understand that there are differences of opinion, perspective, and personality when working in any kind of work place, especially a school. The issue is that when the head teacher of a classroom doesn't think (or plan) ahead, you are only welcoming discord, confusion, frustration, anger, and general chaos! What is most disconcerting is that this is not only on the part of the adults and teachers in a room, but also the children. If the adults don't know what is going on then how are the kids supposed to be able to follow the rules when they haven't a clue on what they could be.

What is most frustrating and almost infuriating is that I feel as though my actions, comments, and general presence is being ignored. Yes, I understand that I am not in an official role as "teacher", so says my title and job description, but I often find myself in that role whether I have sought it out or not. What is also interesting to note is that whether I am an official "teacher" or not the kids come to me first, more often than not, to ask for help of any kind. I love these kids and I only want the best for them, but how can I do that when me myself feel powerless, much like them at times. I look at the other classes and teachers around me and I see that what I am trying to do works! I know it does, common sense says it works, all of my training and books I've read say that what I want to happen works. Yes it will take time and it will be hard, but it needs to be done. Who is being hurt by this, certainly not the adults we already (or should) know. It is the kids that are being hurt by this.

What I also find frustrating is that I am not being paid for the work that I am doing with these kids. Instead of dealing with just one student, I have to deal with 20 of them. At least my student is becoming more independent and self-aware so that I don't have to deal with him as much. What a wonderful thing it is to know that at least one student is developing healthy social and academic skills under my direction.

I guess I just need to have my Christmas break where I am not around these people and have time to cool down and maybe think of another plan of action. That is always the hardest thing carrying out the plan and not being cowed by the others. Grow a backbone, that is my Christmas wish.

Doppelgangers

It is often said that there is another person that looks just like you somewhere in the world. Normally I would think much of it. However, for the last while I have been having continued episodes of seeing doppelgangers of certain individuals of my family. It is always the same people. There is a constant need for me to stop and take a double-take just to make sure that it is not who I it is. There have been times when the feelings of joy and confusion flares when my mind registers for that slight moment that it might be that particular person. Only to be disappointed when it connects that it is not who I thought it was only a very good look alike.
After such incidents I have to think why do I keep seeing my family members when I perfectly well that they do not live in the Provo area and that they wouldn't just randomly show up on the street or gym. It seems as though there might be a deeper psychological issue going on. Maybe I am thinking about them in my subconscious and have a need to see them or resolve a conflict regarding them that has been flowing underneath in my subconscious.
Whatever the reason for this doppelganger occurrence once it is resolved I'll be able to go about my life without having to repress the urge to run up and hug a complete stranger or call out a family members name.

Reminders of My Own Human Fragility

These past two weeks have been a real rollercoaster in terms of my overall physical health. Having employment in a school provides me ample opportunities to come in contact with a large number of children in all different stages and types of sick. Fortunately I was given the opportunity to catch one of their many plagues and therefore suffer with a nasty little cold for a week. Then as the cold began to subside and be conquered by my stalwart immune system, whilst another more sinister plague made an assault. The symptoms of this sickness is one of pain and extreme discomfort regarding the lungs, throat, body aches, fever, and when a simple cough or sneeze leaves you totally incapacitated from pain for a space of time. Having dealt with something of this nature last year I found it prudent to go immediately to the doctor and get the required medications to help get rid of it as quickly as humanly possible. However he thinks it to be something else entirely. After a long and not so pleasant visit at the doctors office and an arduously long wait at the pharmacy, I was able to collapse on the couch for several hours before being helped into bed at 9 pm. Fragility

What amazes me is that the prescription and shot the doc gave me didn't really do much to help with the symptoms or my general well being. It was things I already had at home like simple cough syrup, two anti-inflammatories, and 4 hours of unmolested sleep is what did the trick. This is not to mean that what was prescribed by the doctor isn't helping in some way, but my self medicating had a much bigger impact on how I feel in a shorter time period. While I don't always condone self-medicating, sometimes a person knows a better (and less expensive) way help themselves without having the degree to prove it. I just hope that I will be able to defeat this enemy before I have to go to work Monday. If not then it will be a very long Monday.

Preserving the Season

These last few weeks I have been the official "Canner" of the family. Since the mid-summer I have been helping do some form of canning or preserving. This means that the dehydrator has been going constantly and my house is always hot from the canning pot, my counters and floor never seem to rid themselves of the stick from the dripped juices. I have to admit that it has been nice to be able to help store the various types of produce that my in-laws so willingly grow for the family.
While it is true that I am enjoying the time spent filling my home with the inviting smells of apples, sugar, and tomatoes. I am glad that it is drawing to a close. I am finding it difficult to find places to put them. My pantry is ready to start bursting at the seams and putting them on the counter/table just doesn't appear to be the best idea for when guests come.
Despite the lack of storage I am grateful that I have gained a new skill and can preserve on my own and not have to go without. There will be plenty of apple inspired desserts, dried fruits, and tomato based meals, and pear recipes. It will be a great winter.

Not one but two

So it is official, Jake and I are an Aunt and Uncle 12 times over. We have been able to welcome the two newest members to our family over the weekend. Both Jessie and Tiffany delivered their babies on Friday in the same hospital. What are the chances of that? The babies are only about 18 hours apart and they are healthy and happy to be in the world.

It is so nice that we can finally see these precious bundles of joy and be able to hold them in our arms. I know that both the Stanger and Nichols clans are excited to be able to have them with us. Bailey (Scot and Tiff's little girl) is so adorable and small to hold. Garrett has more hair than a baby should have. He is a "gorilla", as Jessie called him, with a full head of dark hair.

I am just so happy that we can know begin to include these new members in our everyday lives and see them growup.

I am such a happy Auntie.

Moments of Genius

Everyone has those moments when you do something that is total genius, a real Einstein moment. This is not the total genius that has bettered you life or someone else. The type of total genius that I speak of is one dripping with sarcasm. I locked my keys in the car. On a weekend it wouldn't have been so bad. I could just get the spare from Jake and everything would be just dandy. Instead, it is Monday morning, Jake has just left for work (not more than 10 minutes before), and I am running late for work. My hand drops into the purse seeking my keys. No luck. I jiggle my purse to locate them, no sound. My eyes slowly raise to my car sitting patiently in its parking spot waiting for me to bring it to life with the turn of a key and start moving toward work. This is when my mind kicks into reverse and I remember what I had done. My mental booty is now sore from me kicking it repeatedly. The keys are sitting in the little compartment next to the steering wheel behind the securely locked door.

At this point I have to call Jake and work and let them know what has happened. Jake is a little frustrated at my brilliant revelation, since he is on his way to work with no way to turn around and help me out. When I am finally able to talk with work I have to explain my genius. Yet, the stars and the cosmos seem to have aligned in my favor. My student is sick and wont be there, and my boss says not to worry about coming in today. What?!

In the end everything works out and I don't have to worry anymore. Now I have an unexpected day off and I also have to figure what to do with myself for the rest of the day until Jake can come home and unlock my car. I should just be grateful that everything worked out and I don't have to worry about being late for work and enjoy my day off.

Exercise: Week 3 Update

As many of you know I have started a new workout routine that has me pumping more iron, running more miles, and raising my heart rate to new heights. It has been 3 whole weeks since I officially started this new regime and my body has been acting accordingly:

1. Being tired all the time
2. A little achy in the morning/evening
3. 5 pounds lighter
4. Able to run 4 miles on the elliptical (rather than dying after 3)
   
5. Chase down and restrain my student with more ease
6. Calves that have more definition when flexed (I love this!)
7. A stronger ankle (the one that I hurt) I don't roll it as much
   
8. Fit better in my pants/shorts
   
9. Needing the daily exertion or it gets antsy
   
10. And just feeling better all-a-round
    

I know it has only been a few weeks, but I can see a very small change. I am hoping that if I keep this up and continue to watch what I eat I'll be able to make my 20 pound goal by the end of the program and keep it off. I would love to get down to the weight (or less) that I was prior to moving to Utah.
There is a lot of work yet for to do and I know that it wont be easy, but I have had a little success and that helps to motivate me to continue and achieve my desired goals.

Freebies

For those of you that have been to my apartment, you know that the color scheme is mostly...well brown. Not the most flattering of colors when your carpet looks like poo brown, with a shade of yellow that has a hint of brown it. It makes is feel cramped. To top it off the couches are a horrid blue plaid with tan and brown stripping and feels like burlap when you lay on it it transfers the pattern onto your face. It has been a long time dream of mine to get some couch covers that would cover the eyesore and maybe even brighten the room up a little. My wish has been granted!
My sister has been telling me about this website called Freecycle.com. Basically it is an online local forum that people can join that allows people to post their wants and things they are willing to give away. It is totally free and all you need to do is act fast and then pick it up.
Since I am the cheap person that I am, I signed up in hopes of finding my slip covers. No luck. The trick was to post my 'want' and Ta-Da i got an email from a woman in Cedar Hills the next day who saw the post and remembered she had some in her basement just sitting in a plastic tub for years.
I have to admit they aren't the ideal perfect color that I was looking for, but when you aren't willing to go out and buy new ones the denim covers sure don't look bad for being free. It is just amazing what a little color can do to make my front room a little more inviting and comfortable.
I was lucky, a lot of the things that are on there happen to be baby related i.e. strollers, clothes, cribs etc... It is just nice to know I can get the things I need for the cost of a gallon of gas. I think it is a great deal.

No pain no loss

Recently I have made it a goal to lose some of the "more to love" I have acquired over the last year. Why is it easier to add rather than shed. That isn't true. Some people are able to bounce up and down with little effort, while it is a real struggle for those like me. I just want to be able to look in the mirror and like what I see and not cringe and shy away from it. Being able to fit into my clothes again would be an added bonus since a new wardrobe isn't in the budget at the moment.

To aid me in my desire to shed inches and pounds, while adding definition and tone I have employed the help of my local gym with its equipment and a website the has prescribed a work out regimen for me to follow.

I am one of the people that needs something to follow or nothing will happen. While I am motivated to do the needed work, I don't have an overall knowledge of exercises that need to be done to achieve that desired results. I can run my heart out and lift weights, but nothing ever seems to come of it. So I need the guidance of a "trainers" knowledge to know what and how many of whatever I am doing. It seems to make a difference when I am more accountable for what I do.

At the moment my muscles are screaming at me for putting them through such a grueling first day, but deep down they know it for their own good. So as I hobble around and strain to stand and sit I have to keep reminding myself that this is for my own good and I will be happier at the end of my 12 week program. If it successful then it will become a perpetual thing. I think it will, but only time and my pant size will tell.

In Need of a Scratchin'

So lately I have been getting an itch that I just can't seem to scratch. This is an itch that every women gets from time to time and I guess it is just time for it to come back. It is the Baby Itch. It seems as though ever since Jake and I celebrated our anniversary over the weekend it has returned with a vengeance. I have dealt with it before and usually I get my baby fix by going to one of my siblings homes or go to work (wonderful birth control sometimes) and get my dose and am good for a several months before it comes back. But this time it just does not seem to want to abate. I think one way it could be connected is the baby blankets that I have been in the process of making. They are so cute and completely different from anything that I have ever done before, and I just want to have my own little one to wrap up in. I am hoping now that my hormones are getting back into balance this itch with subside and I can get focused on life and not the "wants". I know I am not alone in this, this was revealed in a VT visit a while back. However, it still makes me feel like there is a giant blinking neon sign above my head telling everyone that can read what I am thinking and wanting.

Yet, what I find most interesting is that this feeling has only gotten stronger since I have been married. When I was single it was more of a fleeting thought and less of an intense desire and need. I think it has to be associated with the fact that I know have that power with in my grasp and I can have it whenever I desire. Yet, I know that it takes two to tango and to be realistic Jake and I are just not ready to take that step yet. Even though I see the desire in his eyes from time to time, especially when he is paying with a baby in church (he is so adorable! He will make a fantastic dad someday) we both know it just isn't the right thing to do.

I guess this will mean I just have to ignore my itch and find other ways to distract my wants for a couple more years until things are more stable for us and we are truly ready. Sorry my wonderful sisters that mean I will come bug your kids ever once in a while when then itch needs a scratchin'.

Happy First Anniversary

Once upon a time, one year ago to be exact, a beautiful young maiden and a handsome young gentleman were wed in the Salt Lake Temple.....

Today is our first year anniversary! Holy Cow I can't believe that it has already been a year. Granted the calender and my wedding certificate both verify such a thing, it is still a little mind altering that we have been married for a year already. It has been a wonderful first year. Many people say that the first year is often the hardest. I respectfully disagree. Jake and I have had a great time. Very rarely do we ever bicker or fight, what is the point especially since we both like to avoid confrontation as much as possible. True, we have had some ups and downs, but nothing monumentally devastating or scarring. It has been wonderful.

Looking back at reviewing the last 12 months has made me confident that I love Jake more now then I did back then. This is not to mean I didn't love him, it is just that the love and admiration that I had has now blossomed into something far deeper and more meaningful. If this is the trend think of what it will turn into as we live, learn, and grow in the future. The possibilities are endless.

I have been thinking about some of our favorite memories and/or things that Jake and I love.

1. Having my best friend beside me every night
2. Watching the other strive to be the best they can be
3. Having Jake hold my hand and tell me is will be alright when I got hurt
4. Being a shoulder to cry on or just rest a weary head on
   
5. How excited Jake gets when he sees something he loves (like rainbows, snow or rain falling)
6. Tickle fights
7. The way both our eyes crinkle and twinkle when we smile
8. I love Jake's enormous smile and how it takes up his entire face
9. Holding hands, even if we are just sitting at the table or doing nothing
10. Hanging on his arm while we take walks
11. Dancing in the kitchen
12. Just being his wife
13. Going to the temple together
14. Jumping into his arms when he gets home from work/school
15. Sharing sweet pillow talk
16. Cuddling on the couch
17. Notes left
    

The list could go on. It is often the small things that makes life wonderful and I am grateful that I have so many small, and big, things that have helped to strengthen and deepen our love for each other and look forward to allowing it to continue in that manner.

And they continue to live happily ever after.

Should we?

Recently Jake and I have been presented with an offer that is almost too good to refuse. A couple in our ward is selling their house and they are willing to sell it to us. Now this is SELL not RENT! We have been crunching the numbers (at least Jake has I just nod my head like I understand it all), and it looks like a plausible thing for us to do. The real question is, should we? This is a major step, no I take that back. This is a leap into the abyss. Me being the worry wart that I am causes me to be terrified. Granted I am terrified with just about anything that requires me to step into the unknown. I just fear we wont be able to swim and end up sinking and ruining any chance of keeping our good credit, and money for that matter. But on the other hand if we are able to do this then we can start to build that equity foundation and have the ability to really start to being more independent, more or less. It is just so tempting with the market as it is. This house is an awesome starter home, it is still within our ward boundaries, close to UVU, and we can not have freedom to decorate and do what we want to our home without fearing that we will lose our deposit. I am not going to say that we wont do it, but there is always a part of me that is hesitant. At this point we have, namely me, have put this in the Lord's hands. If He wants us to go with it He will provide us with the needed opportunities and peaceful feelings that this is right for us to go with. I trust in Jake and the Lord, they would never steer us into something we couldn't handle.
I guess I shouldn't worry and just let things come and be grateful with whatever happens

Tick-Tock

It always amazes me how quickly time can fly by with you not really noticing it. Not only does time pass one by but when you stop and look back you come to realize that a lot has happened, and yet it feels as though nothing has really happened when it reality countless experiences and opportunities have been opened and closed.
With all of this inward reflecting it makes me smile that when we are kids a week, a month, or a year feels like an eternity. However, once you become an adult a week is a fleeting thought, a month a blink of an eye, and a year a simple small sigh and it gone. It feels like to me that I was starting in my college career and now I am married trying to get by. It is also amazing that I can look at my oldest niece and see her as the cute little newborn baby instead of the beautiful young lady she is turning into. Truly boggles the mind. I know that parents and grandparents have (and continue to) experienced this already, but for some reason it startles me. Before I know it I'll forty something with my kids screaming at me, phone ringing, and dinner burning on the stove and think back to how simple my life had once been and remember all the good, bad, and ugly and just smile, yet trying to figure out where it all went without me noticing.
I guess what I am trying to say is that I need to pay attention to and live every moment to its full potential.

Spring Nuptials

Over this last Spring Break week I was honored to participate in being able to witness the union of two couples in the Oakland temple. It was so beautiful to watch two sets of my friends getting married. While I played different roles in the two weddings it was fun to watch the couples go through all of the stress, but in the end have it all melt away once they were in the temple in the sealing room with their families and friends smiling and silently cheering as they made that final step into marriedhood. What was interesting was to watch the differences between the two couples. Once couple was bouncing with smiles full of joy and love for the other and the other that were very intense as they stared into each others eyes. What they both had in common was the way they were so focused on the other. It made me remember when I was doing the same thing 10 months ago. And then when they were pronounced married a wave of relaxation, from the pent-up anxiety, and anticipation, that it all starts then, that would sweep over their bodies and faces.

I had to ability to be with both of the couples before they got married while they were drowning in the plans and crisis that would arise and simply tell them that it would all work out and that it will all be worth it once they here the I Do's and they were able to drift through on the cloud that will descend on them.
Oh the sweet memories they can now share and make together! It makes me so happy to see my friends find the one person they want to be with forever.

I honestly think it was worth missing a few family gatherings to be there for my friends when they wanted me to be there more.

Congratulations TJ & Jessica Da Rosa and Troy and Nicki Remington!

Today is a day when you raise your voice and express your gratitude. Not only is today a picturesque spring day, but it is also the true day of our Lord's birth. For it were not for Christ's birth we would not be able to rejoice in this life. For it was he who created this world and all of the beauties that we are able to behold. Jake and I were able to take them in during an evening walk through the canyon. We saw the wondrous mountains being brilliantly painted with the pinks, oranges, reds, blues, and purples of a setting sun. The calls from unseen birds in the trees. The quick flicks of tails of trout swimming in the bubbling river. A silent beaver waking and making its first swim in the gently eddy near a dam, all the while breathing in the crisp pine scented air. It is a wonder how humble, quiet, peaceful, yet powerful and majestic nature is, much like how our own Savior is to us. We need to appreciate and take advantage of his wonder as much as we do that of nature. It is my hope that we will be able to do that in this week as we celebrate the life and sacrifice our our Lord.

Happy Birthday Dad

Today is my dad's birthday! All day I have been thinking of all the wonderful things that my dad has done. I am so lucky to have a father as wonderful as him. It is often said that a father is a daughters first love, and how true that statement is. I love my dad for everything that he has done for me. He is the one that I would go to if I was in need help on my homework. He has always been patient with me when trying to teach me something new. I could always count on him to teach me and help me with whatever I brought to him. Just sitting and talking to him is a treat. I appreciate the music he grew up with because he would play it, allowing me to be more conscious of what is available to hear.

I know that I can contribute my hard work ethic to him as well. He taught that you should not leave a job half done or without your best effort. My cooking skills also were influenced by him. I would be unable to make my own spaghetti sauce without his guidance. He has always stood up for me when needed, loved me, and supported me in all that I have done, even when it meant moving away and getting married. I know it was not easy for him to see me go, but I am grateful that he did.

I love my dad and grateful to be his daughter. He will always be my first love and I am proud to call him my dad.

I love you Dad!

Patience and it's Reward

A few days ago a friend of mine asked how I was able to have a long distance relationship with Jake. I had to sit there and ponder how exactly I was able to do it. It is no small thing to be able to have a relationship like ours and make it last. I eventually had to say that it took:

1. Patience (and lots of it!)
2. Visiting each other whenever possible
3. Endless phone calls
4. Countless letters and emails (while on his mission)
5. A deep determination for it to work
   And last but certainly not least
6. A strong love for the man he is and will become

This whole thing made me realize how blessed I am to have such a wonderful husband. I began to think about the innumerable things that Jake does for me.

1. Jake strives me make sure that the bed is made every morning
2. We are as financially sound as possible
3. That we always spend at least a little bit of time each day together
4. He shows his love for me in word and deed
5. Jake upholds his priesthood in the reverence it deserves along with the callings he has to manage at church
   
6. Gaining an education for the future
7. Puts up with my never ending mood swings
8. Listens to my rants about work(good and bad)
9. Trusts me
10. Gives me a hug and kiss every night when he gets home (can't have too many of those =D)
11. Allows me to go to California for a week
12. Eats meals I cook even when they don't turn out so good
13. Cooks when the opportunity arises
14. Helps with the chores
15. Always strives to do his best even when he doesn't really feel like trying at all
16. Makes me laugh and smile everyday
17. Reminds me (even though he doesn't know he is doing it) that I am the luckiest woman to have the opportunity to be his wife forever and always.
    
18. His willingness to serve others
19. Teaching me things that I, should probably already, know
20. Being patient with me
21. Loving me for me
    

The list could go on and on.....

It has been a long road to get to where we are today. The numbers were against us, along with half my ward in California, that we weren't going to make it. But we did! And I couldn't be happier. I love Jake and am proud and honored to be his wife.

Adventures at the Salt Lake Temple

Running with the theme of everyday being an experience I can add a new one to my ever growing list. Jake and I have made it a goal to go to the temple at least once a month. To help ensure our goal along with those of our families we trade off who we go with each month. This month was my brother and sister-in-laws turn. They decided that they wanted to go to the Salt Lake Temple for a session. This was the first time that I had been in the temple since Jake and I married. It was such a different experience going through a session without a movie to stare blankly at. Just having real people up there made it more interesting, that and they were old so it was fun to listen to them. What really made the whole episode wonderful was being in the temple and seeing all of the beautiful murals on the wall. I was constantly letting my eyes and mind wander as I looked at the paintings. It was awesome seeing the detail and expertise that was used through out the entire structure.

Another thing that was inspiring was that the Lord always knows where people need to be. The reason I say this is that if at least one person was not there that night it could have been far worse then it turned out to be. Near the very end of the session a women became faint with a pale face. The man with her was unable to help her because he did not speak Russian. Temple workers come out to help but no one was able to help her. A man stood up from among the seated men and came to the rescue. As he stood up a woman that was seated among us stood up to help as since she was a nurse. Between the gentleman, the woman, and the temple workers they were able to establish that she was having chest pains around her heart and the temple medical staff were able to be called and escort the ailing woman out with her translator. I was just dazzled that the Lord was able to place the needed people where and when they needed to be able to serve another.

This whole experience just reaffirmed my testimony of the trueness of the Gospel and that by following what prompting you might get, it may have a significant effect on another persons life. All in all with was a fabulous night.

Everyday is an Experience

I was presented with a unique opportunity. I was able to attend an enrichment night like no other. The women in my stake were able to have General Relief Society President Julie Beck come and speak to use. At first I was hesitant to go, but I decided to go and I am not sorry for it. What a blessing it was to be able to hear her speak. While there are many things that I rattle on about that she said I will only mention a few.
At the very beginning she would ask all the sisters that were young single adults, then the young marrieds with young kids, without kids, marrieds with teens, empty-nesters...you get the idea. After this little exercise she went on to explain that we were all in different seasons of our lives with some overlap depending on the family. This all led to the comment that we as women are all learning and growing differently and are able to strengthen and be strengthened by those around us. That really stuck with me because often times I feel like I am alone in what is going on with my life. There are times when I think that no one is able to understand what I am experiencing. This whole thing continued into her basic message that as women we have a divine role in helping those around, be it family or as a Visiting Teacher. Visiting Teaching is not just a check that we need to make sure to get checked off every month, but a responsibility to make sure that the sisters that we are put in charge of are being taken care of and that their needs are being met. This struck a chord with me. I am relatively new to this whole concept. The singles ward that I was a part of wasn't the best at getting it done or making it a priority. I can count the number of times that I was visit taught on my hands. I do not claim that I was any better. This was also something that was not a prominent feature in my home growing up, so the importance of it was never really bolstered and made to grow. It is only now that I am in this ward that I can see how it draws sisters in this church together and enables them to progress and become stronger. This is not to say it has been made easy for me. Quite the opposite. I am still struggling with the idea and spirit of it, but I am doing it. The effort is being made to better myself.
Sister Beck also had a Q&A (this where the bulk of her time was spent) session. Sisters were encouraged to think of questions that they wanted answered. It was amazing how Sister Beck was able to tie life experiences, the scriptures, and the general concerns we as women and mothers have in these times. She explained how we can be the strong covenant women that are needed to enrich, encourage, and bring up a strong younger generation and the older as well. I am so glad that I was able to go to this fireside and that we were able to get Sister Beck to come since it is hard to get such a busy women.

One of my favorite quotes that she said was a something along the lines of :

Time + crisis = future laughter. So why not laugh about it now and get ahead. Enjoy the experience.

I do have to remember that I need to take each day at a time, not get caught up in the problems, learn to laugh at it, and enjoy the experiences they are for my own benefit.

Local Celebs

To be perfectly honest I work in a school that is far under the radar of most people. In fact, it is so obscure that when I tell people where I work they think it is a big white house and not actually a school of learning. The reason I bring up this obscurity is that Walden will soon be local news. It isn't because they are that fabulous as a place learning, but they got the attention of the news. The kindergarten teacher there wrote to Channel 4 News explaining the plight of schools all across this great state and even nation in regards to the dramatic budget cuts that are being inflicted. To help bridge the cuts have caused they lower elementary classes have organized a Baking Back the Budget Fundraiser. Families are contributing baked goods and other offerings to be auctioned off and are even entered into a raffle to win a digital camera. While this isn't necessarily all that outlandish or uncharacteristic of a school to raise money, it is just amazing that the news has found it note worthy to put it on the 5 o'clock news tonight.
I was there when the news was brought to the teachers. They were all pulled out of class for a impromptu meeting in the hall and told the wondrous news. I had to just sit there and control my laughter at how excited and giddy they all got when told. I know that I'll be watching the news to see who is interviewed this afternoon and all that jazz. The frenzy that is generally Walden will be thrown even more out of whack as they quickly and frantically try to clean and organize the chaos of kids, rooms, and stuff into a sensible array.

Seriouslyn People!

As most of you know I have been working with a special needs kid at work. While it is true that he can be a real handful at times, he can also be a real joy to work with. The reason I am saying this is that he has been sick lately and I was assigned another kid to work with today since the other was absent. This kid is off the hook! There are things that I wanted to do to him that I know are not sanctioned by the school or any ethics board in the States. Just working with this boy for a few hours has drained me of the little energy I was able to recover over the weekend, since I was sick. I was constantly having to stop him from annoying, hurting, and/or disrupting individuals or the whole class. It was funny because he decided that he didn't want to do the work that was assigned to him...so..he spent two sessions the bathroom about 25 minutes each time . I knew he would eventually get bored and do what was asked of him. His teachers were amazed that I would allow him to do it. I later explained that it was better than letting him run all over the school and being a complete disruption in class. I just sat there outside the bathroom instructing the boys that went in there to do their business, not talk to him, and go back to class. Once he was back in class he did what was asked of him (for the most part). It just blows my mind that these teachers and consequently the parents are so amazed when I enforce what I say and stick to the consequences laid out. Then they wonder why the kids are running amok, being disrespectful to teachers and other students, rude, and defiant. When dealing with these kids I tell them they don't have to like me and can hate me, but the DO have to respect me.

It just makes me enjoy the boy I supposed to be working with that much more. He has come a long way from kicking, biting, screaming, and running away. We are able to get things done quicker, control our emotions and actions better, and be overall more happy. I am glad that the teacher(s) are taking note and backing me up with some of the things that I do. That is my one (of many) problems with Montessori schools, the general lack of structure and discipline. It does have its redeeming qualities, but come of parents! Love and kindness may be a great motivator and key to general harmony, but when you don't lay down the law and stick to it you will be run over with kids that think they are entitled to everything and not be responsible for their own actions. Oy.

I know that this is a long rant, but I just needed to get it out. All the chaos and stress, however crazy it is, it gives me a purpose. It gives me the purpose to bring order to a generally chaotic environment. Doesn't makes sense I know but it works for me.

A Storm Passeth

A few days ago a large black cloud of hatred and resentment was blown out of my personal skies. Now, this cloud had been hanging around since April. While it did not cause me any noticeable damage, since I chose to make it a fixture in my daily life and not pay it much mind, unless the reason for its existence was brought to the front of my mind. I was happy to let that cloud grow and become more encompassing, but the trespasser wanted to make amends. It has to be said that the offense to me was great. The thing that started this whole doom and gloom on this person, cut me to the very core of who I am and I how I was raised. When one takes a "holier than thou" stance and says that you are not good enough because of the way you were raised and that subsequent choices that were made makes you less of a person (at least in the LDS world) and that my honest feeling toward a situation were not even valued or recognized, it can and does have a deep and painful outcome.

It was only after months of revilement and hatred that I came to the conclusion that forgiveness is the only cure. While it was a hard thing to express myself without lashing out and being insensitive back, I was able to do it. It took a lot of effort, deep breathing, and careful word choice to finally say what needed to be said. While it is true that a part of me was slightly happy to hear that the person in question was writhing in torment about what had transpired, yet another part was sad to see them in so much pain. And it was only when the sympathetic side won out that this whole forgiveness process was finally able to be resolved.

While it is true that there are still hurt feelings on my part at least the canker that I have been allowing to grow has stopped that bruising is still there slowly healing. It is true that emotional wounds are harder and slower to heal than the physical ones. There is no real medicine that can take all of the pain away. However, at lease we do have the power of forgiveness and the atonement to help in that healing process.

Learning to Swim

Have you ever been the first one to hear bad news? I am that person at the moment. With everything that has been happening lately with our, now suffering, economy it seems to impact everyone in just about every field of work. It has struck my family in many different ways, my father and the not so good prospects of finding a new job in the next couple of months, Jake having his hours cut back, and now my own hours are more than likely going to be drastically reduced as well. What is one to do? I think I will be forced to take another job. That makes me a little sad since it was not long ago that I was working two full time jobs and constantly running from one place to the other. If only things could have gotten better rather than worse. Then again that is a very common wish now a days. Let us all hope we can weather this raging storm and hopefully be still standing at the end of it. I guess we just need to pull out and put on out goulashes and raincoats and learn to swim.

Change in Plans

Now that life is back to the somewhat same routine it seems like it I am ready for a break again, maybe not as long as before but a short one. When I got back to work I was thrown a big curve ball. I was taken off my normal tutoring detail and put onto One-on-One status with an 8 year old Autistic boy. This kid has been a real terror for his teacher, peers, and school administration. While he is a fairly high functioning Autistic individual, his focus and social behavior is much to be desired. It was too the point where he would be taken out of class within a few minutes of arriving at school. Yet, it has only been a week and a half and he is better behaved. It seems as though I am what he needed. He seems to need that individual attention away from the general chaos that is his classroom. The structure that I have placed around him is working. While he may hate how I demand an nice apology for any offense made to myself or others, and asking permission to do basic kid things has made him more mellow. His mom and parents are amazed that he is able to get more than one work done before lunch, he is having less and shorter outburts along with lashing outs. It just reinforces my view that what a child is given structure they will thrive and be generally more happy. While it is true that there are some "quirks" "tics" "odditites", call them what you will, that will never be completely reversed, at least he isn't hurting others or himself. That is a step in the right direction. It is slightly satisfying when he gives me a hug at the end of the day while gabbing on to his mom on how he had good day and was able to play nicely with his peers.

Something Old and Something New

It is the first day of the New Year and I can't help but reflect back on what has happened in 2008. These are just a few of the things that I rank on my Year End Review of 2008 (no particular order):

1. My sister was able to finally get the boy she wanted, Keoki, in February
   
2. Jake and I became engaged on his birthday, April 11th at 11:30pm
3. I said my goodbyes, packed up and moved out to Utah in June
4. Scot and Tiff decided to begin trying to have kids!!
5. July 25th, Jake and I were sealed to each other for all of eternity (best thing ever!)
6. Many of my friends have become engaged and are all blissfully happy (as it should always be!)
7. My in-laws are by far the best anyone could ask for, always there when we need them (love you!)
8. Jake was able to pass all of his classes with flying colors
9. I am yet to die due to complications with snow
10. There have been more laughs than tears]
11. Have a warm and welcoming family that loves all those who come into contact with them
12. Finding a job so quickly after arriving in Utah
13. Joel, Brooke, and company moving to Las Vegas for a new job and awesome adventures.
    

Things that I look forward to in 2009:

1. Surviving winter to be able to welcome in the Spring
2. Jake getting his Associates from UVU
3. Strengthening my bonds with my family, old and new
4. Possibly learning a new talent or skill
5. More laughs
6. Getting more soap for my birthday ;P
7. Ike and Tori's new baby girl in Feb
8. Maybe a baby from my brother
9. My dad finding a job or keeping the one he has already
10. Becoming stronger in the Gospel
    
11. Being able to spend all holidays with Jake, and not from afar as was our custom
12. Some of my friends moving to Utah after they get married

It is going to be a fabulous year and I look forward to everything that is in store for Jake and I, both the good and the bad. Because without the bad we would not appreciate or hold the good things as dear. I wish you all a Happy New Year, and may you prosper and grow in all that is good.