A Storm Passeth

A few days ago a large black cloud of hatred and resentment was blown out of my personal skies. Now, this cloud had been hanging around since April. While it did not cause me any noticeable damage, since I chose to make it a fixture in my daily life and not pay it much mind, unless the reason for its existence was brought to the front of my mind. I was happy to let that cloud grow and become more encompassing, but the trespasser wanted to make amends. It has to be said that the offense to me was great. The thing that started this whole doom and gloom on this person, cut me to the very core of who I am and I how I was raised. When one takes a "holier than thou" stance and says that you are not good enough because of the way you were raised and that subsequent choices that were made makes you less of a person (at least in the LDS world) and that my honest feeling toward a situation were not even valued or recognized, it can and does have a deep and painful outcome.

It was only after months of revilement and hatred that I came to the conclusion that forgiveness is the only cure. While it was a hard thing to express myself without lashing out and being insensitive back, I was able to do it. It took a lot of effort, deep breathing, and careful word choice to finally say what needed to be said. While it is true that a part of me was slightly happy to hear that the person in question was writhing in torment about what had transpired, yet another part was sad to see them in so much pain. And it was only when the sympathetic side won out that this whole forgiveness process was finally able to be resolved.

While it is true that there are still hurt feelings on my part at least the canker that I have been allowing to grow has stopped that bruising is still there slowly healing. It is true that emotional wounds are harder and slower to heal than the physical ones. There is no real medicine that can take all of the pain away. However, at lease we do have the power of forgiveness and the atonement to help in that healing process.

Learning to Swim

Have you ever been the first one to hear bad news? I am that person at the moment. With everything that has been happening lately with our, now suffering, economy it seems to impact everyone in just about every field of work. It has struck my family in many different ways, my father and the not so good prospects of finding a new job in the next couple of months, Jake having his hours cut back, and now my own hours are more than likely going to be drastically reduced as well. What is one to do? I think I will be forced to take another job. That makes me a little sad since it was not long ago that I was working two full time jobs and constantly running from one place to the other. If only things could have gotten better rather than worse. Then again that is a very common wish now a days. Let us all hope we can weather this raging storm and hopefully be still standing at the end of it. I guess we just need to pull out and put on out goulashes and raincoats and learn to swim.

Change in Plans

Now that life is back to the somewhat same routine it seems like it I am ready for a break again, maybe not as long as before but a short one. When I got back to work I was thrown a big curve ball. I was taken off my normal tutoring detail and put onto One-on-One status with an 8 year old Autistic boy. This kid has been a real terror for his teacher, peers, and school administration. While he is a fairly high functioning Autistic individual, his focus and social behavior is much to be desired. It was too the point where he would be taken out of class within a few minutes of arriving at school. Yet, it has only been a week and a half and he is better behaved. It seems as though I am what he needed. He seems to need that individual attention away from the general chaos that is his classroom. The structure that I have placed around him is working. While he may hate how I demand an nice apology for any offense made to myself or others, and asking permission to do basic kid things has made him more mellow. His mom and parents are amazed that he is able to get more than one work done before lunch, he is having less and shorter outburts along with lashing outs. It just reinforces my view that what a child is given structure they will thrive and be generally more happy. While it is true that there are some "quirks" "tics" "odditites", call them what you will, that will never be completely reversed, at least he isn't hurting others or himself. That is a step in the right direction. It is slightly satisfying when he gives me a hug at the end of the day while gabbing on to his mom on how he had good day and was able to play nicely with his peers.

Something Old and Something New

It is the first day of the New Year and I can't help but reflect back on what has happened in 2008. These are just a few of the things that I rank on my Year End Review of 2008 (no particular order):

1. My sister was able to finally get the boy she wanted, Keoki, in February
   
2. Jake and I became engaged on his birthday, April 11th at 11:30pm
3. I said my goodbyes, packed up and moved out to Utah in June
4. Scot and Tiff decided to begin trying to have kids!!
5. July 25th, Jake and I were sealed to each other for all of eternity (best thing ever!)
6. Many of my friends have become engaged and are all blissfully happy (as it should always be!)
7. My in-laws are by far the best anyone could ask for, always there when we need them (love you!)
8. Jake was able to pass all of his classes with flying colors
9. I am yet to die due to complications with snow
10. There have been more laughs than tears]
11. Have a warm and welcoming family that loves all those who come into contact with them
12. Finding a job so quickly after arriving in Utah
13. Joel, Brooke, and company moving to Las Vegas for a new job and awesome adventures.
    

Things that I look forward to in 2009:

1. Surviving winter to be able to welcome in the Spring
2. Jake getting his Associates from UVU
3. Strengthening my bonds with my family, old and new
4. Possibly learning a new talent or skill
5. More laughs
6. Getting more soap for my birthday ;P
7. Ike and Tori's new baby girl in Feb
8. Maybe a baby from my brother
9. My dad finding a job or keeping the one he has already
10. Becoming stronger in the Gospel
    
11. Being able to spend all holidays with Jake, and not from afar as was our custom
12. Some of my friends moving to Utah after they get married

It is going to be a fabulous year and I look forward to everything that is in store for Jake and I, both the good and the bad. Because without the bad we would not appreciate or hold the good things as dear. I wish you all a Happy New Year, and may you prosper and grow in all that is good.