No pain no loss

Recently I have made it a goal to lose some of the "more to love" I have acquired over the last year. Why is it easier to add rather than shed. That isn't true. Some people are able to bounce up and down with little effort, while it is a real struggle for those like me. I just want to be able to look in the mirror and like what I see and not cringe and shy away from it. Being able to fit into my clothes again would be an added bonus since a new wardrobe isn't in the budget at the moment.

To aid me in my desire to shed inches and pounds, while adding definition and tone I have employed the help of my local gym with its equipment and a website the has prescribed a work out regimen for me to follow.

I am one of the people that needs something to follow or nothing will happen. While I am motivated to do the needed work, I don't have an overall knowledge of exercises that need to be done to achieve that desired results. I can run my heart out and lift weights, but nothing ever seems to come of it. So I need the guidance of a "trainers" knowledge to know what and how many of whatever I am doing. It seems to make a difference when I am more accountable for what I do.

At the moment my muscles are screaming at me for putting them through such a grueling first day, but deep down they know it for their own good. So as I hobble around and strain to stand and sit I have to keep reminding myself that this is for my own good and I will be happier at the end of my 12 week program. If it successful then it will become a perpetual thing. I think it will, but only time and my pant size will tell.

In Need of a Scratchin'

So lately I have been getting an itch that I just can't seem to scratch. This is an itch that every women gets from time to time and I guess it is just time for it to come back. It is the Baby Itch. It seems as though ever since Jake and I celebrated our anniversary over the weekend it has returned with a vengeance. I have dealt with it before and usually I get my baby fix by going to one of my siblings homes or go to work (wonderful birth control sometimes) and get my dose and am good for a several months before it comes back. But this time it just does not seem to want to abate. I think one way it could be connected is the baby blankets that I have been in the process of making. They are so cute and completely different from anything that I have ever done before, and I just want to have my own little one to wrap up in. I am hoping now that my hormones are getting back into balance this itch with subside and I can get focused on life and not the "wants". I know I am not alone in this, this was revealed in a VT visit a while back. However, it still makes me feel like there is a giant blinking neon sign above my head telling everyone that can read what I am thinking and wanting.

Yet, what I find most interesting is that this feeling has only gotten stronger since I have been married. When I was single it was more of a fleeting thought and less of an intense desire and need. I think it has to be associated with the fact that I know have that power with in my grasp and I can have it whenever I desire. Yet, I know that it takes two to tango and to be realistic Jake and I are just not ready to take that step yet. Even though I see the desire in his eyes from time to time, especially when he is paying with a baby in church (he is so adorable! He will make a fantastic dad someday) we both know it just isn't the right thing to do.

I guess this will mean I just have to ignore my itch and find other ways to distract my wants for a couple more years until things are more stable for us and we are truly ready. Sorry my wonderful sisters that mean I will come bug your kids ever once in a while when then itch needs a scratchin'.

Happy First Anniversary

Once upon a time, one year ago to be exact, a beautiful young maiden and a handsome young gentleman were wed in the Salt Lake Temple.....

Today is our first year anniversary! Holy Cow I can't believe that it has already been a year. Granted the calender and my wedding certificate both verify such a thing, it is still a little mind altering that we have been married for a year already. It has been a wonderful first year. Many people say that the first year is often the hardest. I respectfully disagree. Jake and I have had a great time. Very rarely do we ever bicker or fight, what is the point especially since we both like to avoid confrontation as much as possible. True, we have had some ups and downs, but nothing monumentally devastating or scarring. It has been wonderful.

Looking back at reviewing the last 12 months has made me confident that I love Jake more now then I did back then. This is not to mean I didn't love him, it is just that the love and admiration that I had has now blossomed into something far deeper and more meaningful. If this is the trend think of what it will turn into as we live, learn, and grow in the future. The possibilities are endless.

I have been thinking about some of our favorite memories and/or things that Jake and I love.

1. Having my best friend beside me every night
2. Watching the other strive to be the best they can be
3. Having Jake hold my hand and tell me is will be alright when I got hurt
4. Being a shoulder to cry on or just rest a weary head on
   
5. How excited Jake gets when he sees something he loves (like rainbows, snow or rain falling)
6. Tickle fights
7. The way both our eyes crinkle and twinkle when we smile
8. I love Jake's enormous smile and how it takes up his entire face
9. Holding hands, even if we are just sitting at the table or doing nothing
10. Hanging on his arm while we take walks
11. Dancing in the kitchen
12. Just being his wife
13. Going to the temple together
14. Jumping into his arms when he gets home from work/school
15. Sharing sweet pillow talk
16. Cuddling on the couch
17. Notes left
    

The list could go on. It is often the small things that makes life wonderful and I am grateful that I have so many small, and big, things that have helped to strengthen and deepen our love for each other and look forward to allowing it to continue in that manner.

And they continue to live happily ever after.

Should we?

Recently Jake and I have been presented with an offer that is almost too good to refuse. A couple in our ward is selling their house and they are willing to sell it to us. Now this is SELL not RENT! We have been crunching the numbers (at least Jake has I just nod my head like I understand it all), and it looks like a plausible thing for us to do. The real question is, should we? This is a major step, no I take that back. This is a leap into the abyss. Me being the worry wart that I am causes me to be terrified. Granted I am terrified with just about anything that requires me to step into the unknown. I just fear we wont be able to swim and end up sinking and ruining any chance of keeping our good credit, and money for that matter. But on the other hand if we are able to do this then we can start to build that equity foundation and have the ability to really start to being more independent, more or less. It is just so tempting with the market as it is. This house is an awesome starter home, it is still within our ward boundaries, close to UVU, and we can not have freedom to decorate and do what we want to our home without fearing that we will lose our deposit. I am not going to say that we wont do it, but there is always a part of me that is hesitant. At this point we have, namely me, have put this in the Lord's hands. If He wants us to go with it He will provide us with the needed opportunities and peaceful feelings that this is right for us to go with. I trust in Jake and the Lord, they would never steer us into something we couldn't handle.
I guess I shouldn't worry and just let things come and be grateful with whatever happens

Tick-Tock

It always amazes me how quickly time can fly by with you not really noticing it. Not only does time pass one by but when you stop and look back you come to realize that a lot has happened, and yet it feels as though nothing has really happened when it reality countless experiences and opportunities have been opened and closed.
With all of this inward reflecting it makes me smile that when we are kids a week, a month, or a year feels like an eternity. However, once you become an adult a week is a fleeting thought, a month a blink of an eye, and a year a simple small sigh and it gone. It feels like to me that I was starting in my college career and now I am married trying to get by. It is also amazing that I can look at my oldest niece and see her as the cute little newborn baby instead of the beautiful young lady she is turning into. Truly boggles the mind. I know that parents and grandparents have (and continue to) experienced this already, but for some reason it startles me. Before I know it I'll forty something with my kids screaming at me, phone ringing, and dinner burning on the stove and think back to how simple my life had once been and remember all the good, bad, and ugly and just smile, yet trying to figure out where it all went without me noticing.
I guess what I am trying to say is that I need to pay attention to and live every moment to its full potential.