So lately I have been getting an itch that I just can't seem to scratch. This is an itch that every women gets from time to time and I guess it is just time for it to come back. It is the Baby Itch. It seems as though ever since Jake and I celebrated our anniversary over the weekend it has returned with a vengeance. I have dealt with it before and usually I get my baby fix by going to one of my siblings homes or go to work (wonderful birth control sometimes) and get my dose and am good for a several months before it comes back. But this time it just does not seem to want to abate. I think one way it could be connected is the baby blankets that I have been in the process of making. They are so cute and completely different from anything that I have ever done before, and I just want to have my own little one to wrap up in. I am hoping now that my hormones are getting back into balance this itch with subside and I can get focused on life and not the "wants". I know I am not alone in this, this was revealed in a VT visit a while back. However, it still makes me feel like there is a giant blinking neon sign above my head telling everyone that can read what I am thinking and wanting.
Yet, what I find most interesting is that this feeling has only gotten stronger since I have been married. When I was single it was more of a fleeting thought and less of an intense desire and need. I think it has to be associated with the fact that I know have that power with in my grasp and I can have it whenever I desire. Yet, I know that it takes two to tango and to be realistic Jake and I are just not ready to take that step yet. Even though I see the desire in his eyes from time to time, especially when he is paying with a baby in church (he is so adorable! He will make a fantastic dad someday) we both know it just isn't the right thing to do.
I guess this will mean I just have to ignore my itch and find other ways to distract my wants for a couple more years until things are more stable for us and we are truly ready. Sorry my wonderful sisters that mean I will come bug your kids ever once in a while when then itch needs a scratchin'.
Yet, what I find most interesting is that this feeling has only gotten stronger since I have been married. When I was single it was more of a fleeting thought and less of an intense desire and need. I think it has to be associated with the fact that I know have that power with in my grasp and I can have it whenever I desire. Yet, I know that it takes two to tango and to be realistic Jake and I are just not ready to take that step yet. Even though I see the desire in his eyes from time to time, especially when he is paying with a baby in church (he is so adorable! He will make a fantastic dad someday) we both know it just isn't the right thing to do.
I guess this will mean I just have to ignore my itch and find other ways to distract my wants for a couple more years until things are more stable for us and we are truly ready. Sorry my wonderful sisters that mean I will come bug your kids ever once in a while when then itch needs a scratchin'.
2 comments:
I'm laughing.
After last night (and last night's conversation) I bet you feel a little differently than you did when you posted this.
Or not.
Being a parent is WITHOUT QUESTION the hardest and scariest and most tiring thing in the world, but it is also WITHOUT QUESTION the funnest, most rewarding, sweetest, life changing thing in the world. It's awesome. But don't do it until you feel really ready. :)
You'll be a great mom!
So fun to read this, Sasha. In the olden days, you know, there wasn't the choice--if you had sex often enough and were healthy, you had a baby. And nobody worried about "being ready"--they took it when it came. This is entirely between you & Jake, so if and when you decide the time is right, it will be right. I'm so glad your "itch" is not the other way--to NEVER have children--in the meantime, do what feels right and listen to the Spirit. THAT's the right thing to do. We sure love you two!
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