A few days ago a large black cloud of hatred and resentment was blown out of my personal skies. Now, this cloud had been hanging around since April. While it did not cause me any noticeable damage, since I chose to make it a fixture in my daily life and not pay it much mind, unless the reason for its existence was brought to the front of my mind. I was happy to let that cloud grow and become more encompassing, but the trespasser wanted to make amends. It has to be said that the offense to me was great. The thing that started this whole doom and gloom on this person, cut me to the very core of who I am and I how I was raised. When one takes a "holier than thou" stance and says that you are not good enough because of the way you were raised and that subsequent choices that were made makes you less of a person (at least in the LDS world) and that my honest feeling toward a situation were not even valued or recognized, it can and does have a deep and painful outcome.
It was only after months of revilement and hatred that I came to the conclusion that forgiveness is the only cure. While it was a hard thing to express myself without lashing out and being insensitive back, I was able to do it. It took a lot of effort, deep breathing, and careful word choice to finally say what needed to be said. While it is true that a part of me was slightly happy to hear that the person in question was writhing in torment about what had transpired, yet another part was sad to see them in so much pain. And it was only when the sympathetic side won out that this whole forgiveness process was finally able to be resolved.
While it is true that there are still hurt feelings on my part at least the canker that I have been allowing to grow has stopped that bruising is still there slowly healing. It is true that emotional wounds are harder and slower to heal than the physical ones. There is no real medicine that can take all of the pain away. However, at lease we do have the power of forgiveness and the atonement to help in that healing process.
3 comments:
Sounds like a big move in a direction that matters. Way to go, Sasha! Keep praying about it...little by little the remaining shards of pain will disappear.
Thanks for sharing this. Love you!
Oh wow, girl. That's a heavy thing to do, but I've done it before and know how good it feels to let it go. Keep working at it. One day, as true forgiveness works, you won't even remember what the hurt was all about.
Big hugs!
basically... forgiveness is the most awesome thing ever. Been there, done that with friends. Way to go. :)
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